New relationships can sweep us off our feet. Often, there’s chemistry. Excitement. Possibility.

The idea is that this new person we’ve met holds the key to new opportunities and new experiences. They’ll help us access parts of ourselves that have been long forgotten. Vulnerable, tender, adventurous, or playful parts to name a few. They’ll round out our schedule with fun or pleasurable shared activities.

But what about knowing when someone is not your person?

Take the Time to Let Them Show You Who They Are

It’s only over time that we come to discover who that other person really is. Through observing them, listening to their words, and watching their behaviors, we discover the truth about them.

Sometimes that truth, what we come to know about them through observation and felt sense experience, is not at all what we saw initially, or what we thought we knew.

This truth can hit us hard. It can be incredibly painful. I know, because this recently happened to me.

A Friend Mis-Match

I made a new friend, and I was initially very excited about them. They seemed confident, playful, and smart. They knew things that I wanted to know about. They seemed to hold the skilled keys to this kingdom that I desperately wanted to get into. When we first got together, there was open sharing, exchanges of ideas, and mutual curiosity. The ingredients for a great friendship were all present.

But as the weeks and months went by, I started to see another aspect of them. They stopped being responsive. They canceled plans at the last minute. They didn’t follow through with their words.

Each time, I thought “Geez. What a bummer. Another letdown.”

Until I realized, this person was not my person, I suffered with feelings of rejection and disappointment. After some time, I realized that this person didn’t really value me. They didn’t get that they were missing out on someone pretty special. Bummer for them. Bummer for me.

But it wasn’t a “me” problem. I couldn’t fix this for them. This was a “them” problem.

Choosing to disconnect energetically from even wanting to hear from or maintain contact helped me to reorient myself and refocus my energy. I had to remind myself that there are a lot of people out in the world (close to 8 billion, to be exact). And some of them are going to get me and value me, way better than this one person could.

Knowing When Someone Is Not “Your Person”

If you are finding yourself in a relationship where you are:

Doing all of the initiating/emotional work/listening/giving/supporting/etc.

Or you are not:

Feeling respected/appreciated/prioritized/heard/valued/etc.

You might be with someone who is not “Your Person.”

And as heartbreaking as that is, it is better to know that you’re with someone who isn’t really your person, than to not know, and continue in a relentless pursuit of love or friendship with the wrong person.

If you’re struggling in your relationship, need support in knowing when someone is not “your person,” and would like some support, contact me today. I’d be happy to help.

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